I’m writing this week’s blog from Sydney. It’s been a big week of end-of-academic-year formalities and celebrations and now my family is congregating in Sydney to celebrate my mum’s 60th birthday! It is always so wonderful to see the cousins playing together and to all be under the one roof, which doesn’t happen that often now that we’re spread around the globe.
So what to pen about learning this week when most of the southern hemisphere is gearing up for the summer break? University courses have finished, schools are winding down, and the temperatures are rising. For me, this will be the first summer for many years when I have not had a research project in front of me that needs my immediate attention. I am looking forward to giving my full-time attention to my children and family – for that is the soil where the seeds of learning grow.
It is a widely accepted principle that a healthy environment grows a healthy child (Grille, 2005; Stafford, 2007). The seeds of learning may fall everywhere, but they will only germinate in fertile soil. Learning is a human trait – everyone can do it. For some reason we sometimes believe the fallacy that it only happens amongst the privileged or talented, but given favourable conditions everyone can learn. So it is prime time now for those of us coming into summer holidays to make some deliberate injections into the health of the soil in which our children grow: our home environments. During this period where the influences of school and larger peer groups are somewhat reduced, there is a great opportunity to make some life-giving investments.
In our home, my husband and I have made a conscious decision to make this holiday period a time of teaching our children to think and talk appreciatively rather than critically.
Critical thinking and talk comes naturally. It is always easy to find fault, and humans tend to gravitate that way. However, constantly working on weaknesses can lead to criticism avoidance behaviours, rather than productive behaviours. An awareness of a weakness does not equal a capacity to develop strengths. If a teacher or a parent is always pointing out a child’s shortcomings, a child may learn to adjust their behaviour to avoid criticism, rather than develop their behaviour to experience success.
On the other hand, if we adopt an appreciative mindset, one that is always looking for the strengths in others, we will create an environment where growth is encouraged. By choosing to see the talent, and affirming a sense of belonging and esteem, a person is better positioned to flourish.
As I alluded to in last week’s blog, our words are either life-giving or the opposite. Constant criticism, even with the best intentions, can crush a child’s spirit and foster negative motivation and avoidance behaviours. Energy is much more positively spent in productive words and behaviours. Positive motivation moves us toward the realisation of our potential (McInerney & McInerney, 2006). Potential is not realised by trying to avoid failure or criticism. It is unlocked through life-giving words that build confidence.
So that is the focus in our home for this holiday season: encouraging appreciative thinking so that we build security and develop strengths.
“When it comes to developing character strength, inner security and unique personal and interpersonal talents and skills in a child, no institution can or ever will compare with, or effectively substitute for, the home’s potential for positive influence.” Steven Covey