This blog has been a long time coming! The last couple of months have been packed to the brim. Thank you for your patience, and thanks for the encouraging hints from readers to keep writing! Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
A topic that has regularly captivated my thoughts in recent times is the biology of courage. That’s right – your biology reflects your state of mind; or said another way, your state of mind affects your biology. Keep reading, I will explain.
Intuitively, we know that different people can experience the same stress, and one can thrive while the other struggles to survive. Why is this so? What is the difference between thrivers and survivors? Why do some people flourish under the stresses of work and study, while other people are overwhelmed?
We all have our overwhelmed days. I can think of a few in the past couple of months – full-time work, back-to-back nights out including lecturing at uni, parent-teacher interviews, and supervising netball, and not to forget two children at home who don’t like to have their bedtime routines disturbed by my absences! I totally ‘get’ overwhelmed. Notwithstanding this, being overwhelmed does not mean you are overcome. Overwhelmed passes.
In this current age, we talk about managing stress a lot. But managing something is a reactive measure, and never as productive as building something. We all know this from our workplaces – people who are good managers (of accounts or systems, for example) are not necessarily visionaries who build momentum. We know this at home too. You can put copious amounts of energy into ‘managing’ your children’s behaviour (reacting), or you can ‘build’ a family culture. ‘Building’ something (aka ‘leading’) takes a lot more effort in the first instance, but in the long run a strong culture, or vision, will keep us true north in the turbulent times.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
So if managing stress is reactionary, then what is the proactive balance? Building courage. We don’t talk about courage nearly enough. We need to bring courage back into fashion, and talk about having a strong heart and a strong mind in everyday conversation. I’m not talking about sweeping issues under the carpet and telling our kids, “You’ll be right,” when they really won’t be. I’m talking about facing age-appropriate issues, stresses, fears and insecurities with courage, rather than running from them. Many inspirational people have tried to articulate this principle.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” (Nelson Mandela)
“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear; The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.”(Meg Cabot)
On a biological level, research now shows that those who face stressful situations with the belief that stress is bad for them are more likely to suffer adverse health issues. However, those who approach stressful situations with the belief that they will overcome are less likely to develop health issues. In essence, everyone who faces stressful situations will experience an increased heart rate, but those who are stressed about stress will also experience the constricting of blood vessels. This of course places strain on the whole body. Alternatively, although those who are optimistic about stress experience an increased heart rate, their blood vessels will more likely remain relaxed.
We can ‘manage’ our world all we like, but unless we ‘build’ strong and healthy cultures in our homes and workplaces we will always be on the back foot. A reactive approach to life creates undue stress, and working to avoid stress is not only ironic, it is counterproductive.
It takes courage to build something. It takes courage to talk to your kids about the issues of the heart. It takes persistence to build resilience in your child. It is hard work building emotional stamina. But a proactive approach, will not only reduce stress it will help you use it as a lever for growth and development.
Take courage, you were made for this [insert your role here]. You can build a better future for the next generation, but it won’t be done by tediously systematising the human condition. Take heart and dare to build a culture that fosters healthy growth and development for all.